LARGE HOT WITH RANCH

In 1843 Charles Dickens published his holiday classic ‘A Christmas Carol.’

Old Chuck celebrated his literary accomplishment with hot wings.

FACT.

As we approach the new year we can undoubtedly guarantee our return to Barney’s for hot wings. Do yourself a favor… treat yourself to wings at Barney’s, regularly.

$4 for $8 worth of hot wings at one of our favorite places. Get on the internet, log in to kgb deals and stock up! We’ll see you on Melrose bone towering this holiday season.

‘HOT GUY, HOT WINGS! Matt Damon, grabbed some wings at Jake Melnick’s in Chicago, where the actor is shooting Contagion. Damon stopped in with some crewmembers and shared appetizers as they watched the New England Patriots play the New York Jets. Damon also sampled some craft brews and left his server a generous tip.’ -people.com

We’re sure Matt Damon’s rider list states that hot wings must be within arm’s reach at any moment during shooting. And, if he’s the man we know he is, he has a woman wipe his face with a wet nap in between takes.

The restaurant: Eating at Nicky D’s is kind of like eating in a tree house: you ascend a wooden staircase to get in, and there are three levels of seating—each separated by a single step—with mismatched tables and chairs. We sat in the corner of the middle level next to the “library,” which consisted of an encyclopedia set and assorted Biblical literature. A draft chilled our feet throughout the meal, and we had at least 2 1/2 servers, none of whom could get us a refill in a timely manner.

The wings: 18 wings for $13.95 ($0.78/wing). They were breaded, which means they soaked up plenty of hot sauce, and they were big, with a lot of meat; indeed, we had a hard time getting our mouths around them and we were sweating by the time we finished the job. We hope you made a sex joke in your head by the end of that sentence, because we set you up for at least three. Nicky D’s made their wings unique by adding some Italian spices to the breading—it tasted a little bit like the breading on mozzarella sticks—but we’re not convinced that it improved the wings.

The rating:

Who says men have trouble picking out a thoughtful gift?  When your woman opens this year’s 99 cent drug store Christmas card, tell her… “Hey baby, you’re welcome… I’m looking forward to seeing you again so I’ve prepaid our next date.” Thank us after the New Year.

In 1918 President Woodrow Wilson was the first in-office US President to visit Europe.

When he arrived in France he demanded can-can dancers feed him hot wings.

FACT.

The restaurant: Who hasn’t been to BJ’s? It’s a chain “brewhouse” that features it’s own variation of a menu seen at any Friday’s, Mimi’s, or dare we mention, Applebee’s. It’s an unremarkable, dimly lit bar/restaurant split. And if it weren’t for that illegal u-turn ticket one of us received while racing to get there, we may have found our obnoxious, overly conversational waiter less of a reminder of why we visit BJ’s so erratically.
 
The wings: 10 wings for $8.95 ($0.90/wing). Here’s the issue- do you call what BJ’s serves a “hot wing” or do you call it as it really is: mini fried chicken? A drizzle of orange cream sauce doesn’t turn fried chicken in to a hot wing; don’t try to boutique a food that’s already too chic for it’s own good. Listen, we’re men and we’re smart enough to know that a hot wing is just a fried, baked, boiled, COOKED chicken wing drenched in sauce and nestled in cheap, plastic, overused food baskets. We get it. But the “hot wings” at BJ’s are a careless bastardization of the quintessential meal for men across the globe. They’re good for fried chicken…but not for hot wings.
 
The rating:

In 1955, Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on a bus.

She later said she would have moved in exchange for hot wings.

FACT.